These are the most pertinent questions a person should ask a prospective life partner when finding oneself in an arranged marriage situation. These are important personal questions that are not easy to reveal to a completely unknown person. So the questioner should first truthfully answer these questions themselves to help the partner feel comfortable enough to answer. These are also not questions that can be tackled in one sitting, this should be a running conversation taking place over a period of time. Preferably in person, if not the least it should held over a video call before later switching to a simple phone call. Taking this analytical route directly over the phone without face to face contact and in the absence of a way to see and measure body language, will certainly result in the person disliking you or becoming highly skeptical and turning you down. So take previous disclaimer seriously and arrange for a face to face or a video call. This is written primarily from a male perspective but very much applies to a female equally.

Also be advised to weave these questions into a running and amiable conversation rather than jump straight into them. Do not make it an interview, it should be a conversation. How easily you are able to build rapport with a potential spouse is also an important factor and will also go a long way in getting these answered truthfully (even if you are being truthful yourself, which you should). I have only rarefied the important themes into direct questions for the readers benefit. How well these are presented and woven into a good conversation will determine the quality of the outcome and depends on the skill of the reader.

Marriage in General

  1. Do you want to get married or are your parents pressing you?
  2. Why do you want to get married?
  3. What are your conditions/criteria for a partner? How do you decide, what is your assessment process?
  4. Do you have questions for me?

Happiness

  1. What do you accept about yourself and what are the things that you don’t?
  2. Happiness to you is internal or external? Do you cause happiness or does something outside cause happiness?
  3. Are you a happy person now? Are you happy by yourself?
  4. What makes you happy daily and what makes you happy in life?
  5. What makes you feel happy, what is the threshold for something to make you happy, is it low medium high? Do you feel happy just having an ice cream, or buying a new pair of headphones or do you need to buy a car/vacation to feel happy?

Proximity

  1. Are you more afraid of too much closeness and dependency on another/partner or is it too much space and solitude/independence?
  2. Same question as above wrt to parents?
  3. Do you live alone or with a roommate? Do you prefer one way or the other?
  4. Do you prefer to have parents/in-laws living with or not? Are you ok living with in-laws? What are your conditions?

Anger & Conflict Resolution

  1. When you get angry do you prefer to walk away immediately and then come back to discuss or do you want to talk and thrash the matter out when in the moment itself? Do you want to be left alone or talk more when angry?
  2. When you get angry do you feel like you can fix the problem by yourself or do you want the other party to do something or do you want to collaborate to solve it?

Reproduction and Parenting

  1. Do you wish to have children? Why?
  2. How many children do you wish to have?
  3. When do you think you want to start a family by having children? What timeline are you comfortable with?
  4. What kind of parent do you think you will be, what kind of parent do you except me to be? Will you be strict lenient, what do you think about hitting kids for discipline? Pocket money, buying things?
  5. Who was the strict parent and who the lenient parent to you?
  6. Exploratory Questions: What is your relationship like with your father, mother, and siblings?

Financial Management

  1. What do you classify your upbringing as, rich, upper, middle, lower middle class?
  2. What are your spending habits? What does a typical month on your expenses look like?
  3. Do you have outstanding financial obligations like student loan, family debt, sibling weddings etc?
  4. Who was the bread winner and who ran the house? (1st part don’t need to ask if background already known)
  5. What is your philosophy of running the house and expenditure?
  6. How much do you earn? How do you plan to address difference in income between us?
  7. Do you want to buy a house here and how soon?

Animals. Pets

  1. Did you have animals or pets in your life?
  2. Do you like animals? Do you like pets? What animals are you ok considering to keep as pets?

Diet and Cooking

  1. Are you a vegetarian/vegan?
  2. How often do you cook? Do you like cooking?
  3. Do you pack your won lunches or do you eat outside?
  4. What cuisine do you cook? What are you good at and what do you prefer?
  5. What kind of cooking arrangement do you expect between the two of us?

Friendship & Socializing & Relatives

  1. Are you a person who always prefers company or are you a person who likes solitude and to do things alone or are you in the middle?
  2. Do you have many friends? Do you make friends easily? What level of friendships do you have overall, do you have many close friends or just one best friend?
  3. How often do you go out, what do you do, with whom?
  4. Do you have many relatives? Was your family very social? Have you grown up with many relatives and cousins with constant social interactions?

Goals and Plan Ahead

  1. What are your long term goals? What is your career goal five and fifteen years down the line and eventually?
  2. Do you want to change job? Do you love what you do?
  3. Are you willing to move for marriage? Do you plan on moving for better opportunities?
  4. Do you do anything besides your job that is your passion and you want to branch into seriously? What is a thing such that when you are lying on your death bed, you would either regret not doing or be happy to go since you have done it?

Miscellaneous Important

  1. Short, Mid and Long Term: India return possibility? Where do you want to settle or see yourself settling?
  2. What are your hobbies, what do you like, what are you passionate about, what do you spend time on?
  3. What is your Briggs-Myers type? If not know take the test and share. Will give a good statistical understanding of personality traits.
  4. Exploratory questions to understand if the person is open minded or close minded. Is conservative or liberal. Is set in ways or open to experiment and change.
  5. Personal questions on previous relationships (physical or otherwise) and succinct reason why they didn’t work
  6. Have traveled abroad? Have traveled within India? To see if exposed to things besides upbringing and immediate environment.
  7. Reading material and favorite shows to understand the Philosophy/thinking of person
  8. Who is expected to take care of parents? Do they seem financially and health wise independent?
50 Questions to Ask a potential partner Before Arranged Marriage – Especially an Indian Arranged Marriage
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